Defining times

This rehearsal was an incredible one. First of all I should not have sang the high notes, I should have known better and I set myself back because of it. My voice is healing up, I thought it was strong enough but I was completely wrong.  I knew it too, but I ignored it.  But. It was an incredible rehearsal.  I clarified my position with the director, as a cover, what my input could be.  He said to feel free to give my input. And I did.

I walked the scene how I wanted to, every scene I walked it how I wanted to.  I treated myself as if I were the principal, which I am.  If I go on, I am the principal.  I ran my fucking J. I did it my way.  It was fucking awesome, it is what performing and rehearsing is all about. The connection and the interaction, the moment.  

There is a mood change at the end of act I and the conductor has an idiotic take on the ending. I mean an utterly inexcusable interpretation of how it plays out.  It is beyond words how little sense it makes.  He asked the director his thoughts on the scene. The director basically said what I felt. That the issue wasn’t necessarily resolved but that there was a catharsis, a deep mood change.  I spoke up and registered my opinion.  I wouldn’t have normally. I wanted to.. I really wanted to and I am so fucking happy that I did.  I don’t know if ultimately it was the right decision haha, he will probably never hire me again, but they already aren’t, and I am going to treat myself as a principal. Because I am.  And principles speak their mind on who they think their character is. Lol, I probably shouldn’t have added my opinion without them asking haha, but I felt I had something to add. And this is a collaboration.  I have every right to share my vision.  I am done with this, this might as well be my last show, because at the moment, it is, on the books I have very few gigs left. I am not going to leave this business like a pussy.  I am not going to leave this business as a young artist. I will leave this business as a principal. And I will behave in rehearsal as one.  Someone making 6 figures has no right to be flustered by me. No one making 6 figures has any right to feel pressured by me.  So if he is annoyed, let him.  He has no right to feel that way.  And if he does I am all the more happy.  

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