Feeling in Love

I want to feel in love, I am in love, but I want to be with her.  I will never do long distance ever again, she and I are not dating. I want to be with her though. I hate sleeping alone, I hate it. I don’t want to sleep alone. I am sick of it.  There’s no point to it, no connection, no sharing, no comfort.  Just empty.  I want to kiss someone goodnight who loves the shit out of me. Who wants nothing more than to fall asleep with me. I do not have that and honestly, am not sure if she would feel that way.  It’s tough. She seems to be extremely independent and somewhat cold to that effect.  I can’t quite read her feelings. She seems disconnected, I want the meat of a personality, not surface effects.  I can’t tell if it’s just because she is distracted with watching tv or doing other things but I don’t feel i’m getting the meat of her personality. I don’t know.  There is a lot I don’t know about her and this is becoming extremely obvious. I want to! I want to know, whether it is good or bad. I want to spend time with her and for both of us to try to make each other hate each other. That’s kind of the point right? To be fully you, fully an asshole, fully frustrated, fully angsty.  See if there is chemistry in this context.  What do I know.  All I know is I want to see her and spend more time with her. This is obviously not possible for a little longer and I know I am getting ahead of myself.  I just want to know. I don’t want to date other people.  I want to spend this time and figure it out.  I can’t get back with her soon enough.  She is a busy lady, we’ll see what options come up.  

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