How do I make friends? I don’t know haha, i’ve never been good at it. I think I am in a better position to do it now than ever before, meaning i’m not a total shithead like I used to be. I am infinitely more open and warm and flexible as a person but it still kind of feels impossible. I just don’t know where to begin, I feel like I am imposing. I suppose I have to look at it long term, spend time building up the friendship and it will naturally get deeper whether it is meant to or not. But I just don’t know, everything feels so theoretical and so cold, so frustrated, so neurotic and frantic. I just want to find and hang out with people that I like haha. Whether they want to hang out with me is another story I guess haha. I want to move away from being friends with co workers, but is it inevitable? I think the answer is hobbies. Find hobbies and interact with the other people doing them. See if you like them. It’s simply an organic process. You have to stick to your hobbies. Be friendly, find social gatherings. Humans are not meant to be alone. Make friends with your neighbors right.
It strikes me that you can’t lust after friends. That you will eventually become disheartened and dissatisfied with the result. It’s awesome to be around people and to joke around and to share life. But it’s secondary to you. Indeed you are ok without them. You don’t need them for satisfaction as odd as that sounds. They are a beautiful addition and component to your living. But you breathe yourself not your friends. My sense is that your journeys will naturally take you more and more out into the world. That your interests and your loves will take you more and more out into the world. And that the friendships will come as a result of that exploration and striving and love and self. That the connection will be external and prized. Not from yearning and ultimately detrimental.
I don’t know if patience is the right word, it’s not a resigned patience but a beautiful patience. An organic patience. It’s about being around people that you like, plain and simple. That’s kind of the holy grail.