Anger and Frustration

My anger. This is becoming an issue. The thought just struck me that my anger at work could very very easily translate into an anger at home. That if I had a girlfriend/wife/kids/family I could behave this way in my household. This is no way to live and no way to raise someone and no way to spend a life and no way to share a life. I don’t know what to do about this. Repressing and faking won’t do anything, burying won’t do anything.  You have to solve this.  

The irony is that I am angry about legitamite things, but isn’t that always the case; anger at injustice, at feeling mistreated, feeling shit on, feeling powerless.  A big part of it is this weird bitterness but that’s not quite it either.  It could be pride.  A double irony is that I find a bit of strength in this anger. I feel strong to defy and to ignore and to move on, it is a cue to find other options and it is important in that aspect. Anger as stepping stone.  Anger is a stepping stone. Just as anxiety is.  I feel maltreated, so find a way to not be in that position.  What’s going on is I’m experiencing the fruits of years of neglecting that principle.  I should have acted on this anger decades ago and would have been in an infinitely different position than I am now.  Alas I cannot take back the past.

My job now.  You have to ignore what you can’t control.  Do your job, don’t worry about it.  Find other options.

Update- seems the cause of a lot of this was not enough sleep. I stopped drinking coffee and after two days my mood completely evened out. so stupid, what a dumb reason to have felt that way and have all that shit come up. so stupid.

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