Poems

11/18/2014
The time just stops with works end
A delirium of freedom and a smile
More time taken, more to be deliberate
Life will end and it all seems so magical

In this moment, a blur, stillness smooths
To speak freely and connect openly
To be fearless against criticism
Let the bad fall away and be yourself

For what it’s worth
This end looms, its finality is almost unbelievable
The moment charges forth with meaning and vibrancy
Suffering and challenges take a new meaning
It will all end, very soon, sooner than one would like

The moment blooms with an impossible eternity
Develop new and old friendships, make new things
Experience new things, learn new things, provide new things
Build a devoted, loving, beautiful relationship

The beating heart of your life
The minutia of the day is dangerously distracting
It is so immediate and pressing and obvious to everyone
It is too easy to partake and be consumed by frivolousness
The demands of the day, the frustrations of an instant

Identity, time, time spent, the demands on the mind
Decisions, so many decisions and efforts to make
Time alone is not the substitute, isolation is equally dimming
It’s thrusting yourself into your life, so fully and wholly

Mayslacks dive bar
Stammering and drunkenly nervous
Delirium of nervous glances and cool
Out of place, nowhere to stand, obvious
Do, find a tactic, the bar, get a drink

The smile and nonchalance wins the table
Midwest polite and nice, dumbness almost
Friendly innocence and the quest for simple
The call over is a beautiful thing in a busy bar

Meeting a new girl
The unfriendliness, the coldness, a dead stop
No initiative returned and I am left to pursue?
It is true that it takes two, it really does
There is no escaping it, no story line, no partner

Again, no stake and I will live on and experience
The conversation is so unique in a large group
Short quips, sarcasm, then the disconnect
A question asked is a question answered, one to one

The extrovert
Stability comes from character
That tried and true character
The situation reading and action
The connection and nonchalance

It’s you, it’s you that comes first
It’s your experience, your life
It is made by you and lived by you
Living matters, failure does not

Confusion and bewilderment
This dullness of not knowing
But it weighs on you
It’s the chaos of life
You just never know

I’m not bored, I’m not depressed
I’m scared, what am I doing?
This is life and I know that
This is life, and it’s ok

Just some reflections
The childish game it has been
This quest to be the most
What is this most, this title?
Whatever it is it is outside me

I don’t believe in it anymore
I make it, I do it, I experience it
All the fallibility, through and through
The heart of my life is fallibility

So much failure : )
It’s the not knowing that makes it beautiful
This element of exploration in so many things
It keeps one vital to explore and search
I love it, I love it so much my heart feels full

Likewise, to be bad at something is humbling
One is really bad at most things, it’s this awkwardness
It really does just take time and experience,
Reflection and a reattempt, so much failure in one life

The Strengthening
All I want to do is organize
An appropriate thing for this
A place for that, long term
Short term, preempting needs

It is kind of beautiful
The peace I feel in side
It’s just the knowing
And the preparing

Shitty Shield
Still growing, still awkward and not knowing
This blend of the passive and active as growth
It is growth but only half way, you must immerse
Really take the challenge and improvise

I walked away passively and revealed my nature
It revealed the way that I interact with the world
I am so afraid that they are going to make fun of me
My personality is a barrier and a shield from this fear

Lustful ways
I really do want to meet more people
I just don’t know how and am awful at it
It’s a real struggle and I have no build order
I suppose I have been too prideful to copy one

It is so scary but so exhilarating, so exposed
To really talk and not know what is coming next
To shift and move and figure out and listen
To see the new as it happens and making more

Audition nerves
There’s no escape, it’s like being suspended in the air
You just feel nervous, this annoying dread
Thinking doesn’t help, not thinking doesn’t help
Preparation helps but there are always flaws

Maybe this just is the experience, just how it goes
Live in it and do your thing, yolo, lol
It is reassuring knowing that I will be fine
My death is still inevitable no matter the outcome

THE PERFORMANCE
Sterility vs warmth, can one make an audition warm?
So much of it is mentality, the purpose of these things
To create is a lifetime event, it is a mentality
An audition is one event of many, and a simple opportunity

Professionalism, it is showing my commitment to the role
It is a chance to share and experience something in the moment
It is a chance to collaborate and experience something together
It is a chance to yell and scream at the top of your lungs

Red Vineyards at Arles
My god it’s so beautiful
This moment in time, 1888
Robust and warm and so lovely
Tender warmth and sunsets

Belligerence and hate disappear
The lungs fill to this beauty
Strenuous work and days end
Life is made to be so beautiful

My friend D
This feeling is unfamiliar
I have felt it before though
It is territory dried up
Now flooded with happiness

I have a friend, a great friend
We talk and joke and share
The moment is in us, our lives
It’s real, it’s so fun, I am so happy

Resentment
It’s the immediate decline that scares me
I feel in touch with myself and the conversation
Then some switch, some insecurity is crushed
I become silent and thoughtless, emptied

The terror grips, it makes the moment rotten
Warm smiles become a blank gaze into nothing
It is deep pains that lust for retribution
Retribution for nothing, for a memory

The pessimistic mentality
The terror comes from competition
And feeling a great disadvantage
An impossible disadvantage
I simply don’t know what I’m doing

This doing has been put off for too long
And failure is met with complacence
A knowledge that I am just this way
A failure and hopeless in most respects

Make it happen
I have a task at hand
I am held accountable
Make it happen
Have courage, do it

Look back over it
What happened
How can I improve
What went well?

A reasonable party
Standing up for yourself
A pure want to not do something
This party seems awful
I don’t want to go

Standing up for yourself
This shows others respect
They can deal with it
And you are on your own

The right time
Timing, life is timing
Grow incrementally
And test regularly
Test your skill and wits

Failure comes in small doses
And so does learning
Time seeps into the cracks
Time tempers talent

The heart’s love
A dirty thought moves the blood
The heart is happy and expands
The thought dances and moves
It changes and envelops you

The love is so heartfelt and full
The bones shake and plead
Sweetest kisses and hands stern
Her pleasure before yours

Tough Defeat
A tough defeat, the helplessness
You saw but couldn’t do anything
The programming just isn’t there yet
Misguided effort amounts to nothing

The rules stack upon themselves
The build order is refined and ready
Each move becomes more intelligent
And more options become available

Interaction
All baby steps
A triumph
A failure
It’s awkward

Be patient
Who cares
It’s visceral
It’s exhilarating

Trust
A friend needs to be a friend
None of this bullshit, maneuvering
Let’s just connect, it’s fine
There are no obligations

One can’t help but be honest
And you can read this honesty
They are saying they are untrustworthy
They will betray you easily

New Music
The awful discovery
The part mislabeled
Ten pages of music
Two days to learn it

It’s manageable but hard
So high and awkward
Where is my beat
I barrel on ahead

Terrible bosses
It’s about knowing when not to take advice
If they are an idiot, don’t take their advice
If they live a sour, catty life, don’t take it
If they are poison, don’t listen to them

But smile, smile and change the topic
People like that don’t like independent people
They don’t like people who take care of themselves
They don’t like people who make their own decisions

New Friends
New friends, the innocence of it
Just talking and wasting time
But that’s the beauty of it
It is shared, a shared anything

It’s is so lighthearted and happy
Just jokes and a pleasure
It is flirting with life
Giving a great big loving hug

Anxieties
Short smiles and old fears
You have to face the fears
Break the idealism
It will be rough, awkward

You can fail, but learn
To not learn is to fail
Go into it, do it, face it
Fuck up, look stupid

 Dustism thrice
Warm evenings and calm humidity
You can’t escape your loneliness
A friendly smile wants friendship
The time spent has so much meaning

The time spent is abstract, otherworldly
Good times and goofing off
We shatter our responsibilities
With a smile the eyes well up

Arurian Dance
No nostalgia but so beautiful
Just a lovely experience
Warm youth and warm heart
The musty Cincinnati night

Bright light and a cigarette
Amber glow and a t-shirt
Liquor warm with a smile
You just feel so free

Moving from Cincinnati
God the move was so depressing
All the good times had been had
These new troubles destructive
The move from a time made sour

Empty tears and heart, empty
Pack it up, clean, say goodbye
But this goodbye is to nothing
No comfort, I suppose regret

Yes! I am a long way from home
Bright and lovely with a youthful agony
It’s a conversation with a pretty girl
Warmth of feeling and thrill of love
Light hearted, playful, happy

Expressive build, the heart moves
The blood boils with affection
The touch is the most thrilling thing
That first touch, that first kiss

God it’s awful
The learning process is awful
Your failures are public
At this age you can’t avoid it
It’s inevitable, it has to be

I am resolved, I will fuck up
I don’t care, I will learn
There are always others
And hate can become love

Fucking painful
More failure, real, hard failure
It’s the goal that really matters
Why fail, why hurt without a goal
A thing you’re working towards

It is painful, deliriously painful
The goal has to be there
There has to be some sort of payoff
Some skill achieved that makes life easier

Alone
Not happy, but happier than before
Empty but there is a drive to learn
It has to happen, you have to face it
One side is life the other is death

The flaws are real, they bring pain
It’s the not knowing that’s so scary
The constant having to learn things
With no role model to help

What?
Bad jokes
Retold
Unoriginal
Sad, empty

So odd
Why prove
Prove what?
I belong

Getting Older
For youthful love to die
It’s unimaginable
But it’s real and terrifying
I don’t love anyone

I don’t have partnership
No one to share with
No one to fall asleep with
No lips to kiss

Bender
Stammering after drunkenness
Refinding reality, everything
Purpose, motivation, meaning
To get the life back on track

It’s startling, how much wasted
How unskilled, how empty
Real experiences, interaction
Setting and working towards goals

Oddities of meaning
The best times of my life
Goals were set, vague often
But the aim makes the thrill
Your energies problem solve

Light becomes more beautiful
It has to, you have to see more of it
Your experience becomes deeper
It has to, to prepare for the next

The little things
Empty day otherwise
Mundane errands
A meal, a chat, a haircut
But my heart is racing

I am smiling, the day is full
The day has so much meaning
The small has a purpose
Each moment is mine, used

Flight to Dayton
Airport faces, so many people
Whole lives, whole feelings
There are so many people
Brought together by commonality

You meet through commonality
To have something in common
The values, the heart, the interests
Sharing the blood of life together

Odd Angst
Generic depth, angsty depth
Angsty insights, false rebellion
Apart because one is special
Too above to relate, too special

I think it’s better to just explore
No glory in weaknesses, no charm
Experience, smile, interact
We don’t know, and that’s ok

Awful sleep
So tired, worn and zoned out
No strength and flabby voice
Dreading the rehearsal
Nowhere near good form

A deep breath and a deep pillow
Sink into the sweet bed
Feel the heart slow to a calm
And feel warm and lovely all over

Missed opportunity
Fuck, no thought, so obvious
Free audition! Friendly ears
But nope, not even considered
Blank, a blank empty mind

Embarrassed by the oversight
The delusion of responsibility
Why don’t I know these things?
How come these things escape me?

Shit singing
Empty voice, hoarse and diffuse
Bad night sleep, dehydrated, reflux
I thought I was beyond this
Technique saved me but barely

Disgusting, putrid singing
Bland emotion, dead character
Empty brain and empty heart
All because my voice isn’t working

Where humor comes from
We just don’t know why we’re fucked up
This points to that and this refutes that
It’s an impossible mystery, nothing to solve
The frustration, the insecurity still remains

Reflection doesn’t solve anything
But it is revealing and comforting
Looking back, you’ve gone through it
You survived and can laugh and laugh

Fuck solitude
You can say anything, you can bumble
You can stutter, you can pause
There are no wrong answers
It is living, breathing life

Listen with your heart to what they are saying
What they mean and what they really mean
It’s all there, their truth, their heart, their fears
Love the freedom to not know and to find out

Stuck
Bad meat and dry bread
The coffee tastes like plastic
Crumbs all around me
A perfectly made bed

I don’t like this, no car
No fridge, stuck to watch TV
It’s a money thing
I don’t make enough

Stubborn, whiney and childish
Misery, an unentertained soul
Nothing to do, nothing imminent
Stuck and whiney, a debutant
Nothing to get lost in, to turn off

It’s dangerous, it’s too easy
Any show carries it’s own imminence
But it’s not real, caught up in nothing
The senses lie dormant and atrophy

Christmas 2014
A sad decision, really pained
I’m not going to go home
Everything wrapped up in it
And I really feel very little

Just dragged down, frustrated
I’m sad that I feel so little
I am embarrassed by my past
Embarrassed by how I acted

Time spent
They had their time
Little effort made
Passive approach
False understanding

I need to move on
Build my life
I won’t feel guilty
Life’s a natural system

Holy fuck
What am I doing?
What do I want?
These good times
Life’s a party

It’s not the job right?
It’s what you make of it
You have to live your life
You have to live your life

This crazy gap
The leap to having sex
To actually go forward
To posit and act
To allow those feelings

To be improper
To smile and love
Violence and yearning
Lust and dominance

Masterpiece
Just plain fun
Goofy empty fun
Tricks and gags
Tragedy and hilarity

Heartwarming humor
Simple and obvious
Right to the gut
Impossibly great

Wild madness
That loss of self control
Ugly and belligerent
The mind just turns off
And madness takes its place

I hate it, I can’t stand it
It really takes preparation
You have to plan for it
Prepare your ambition

Watching
It just doesn’t work anymore
You can’t rely on dependence
The experience isn’t real
It feels real but it’s false

It is a charade, an illusion
You think you are participating
Gaining in experience
But it is time wasted and lost

Getting back to the real world
Recover the mind
Stop and think
Stop and breathe
Take a look at things

You have to start over
Wherever you are at
Take the time to do it
Plan ahead, make it happen

The grind
Singing is hard
So much shit to do
Physical exertion
Physical stamina

Courage and restraint
My voice is tired
My lungs hurt
But more work to do

Sharing
So many nerves, this imminent danger
Impossibly complex and overwhelming
I can’t breathe and I can barely stand
Everyone seems to interact so naturally

I sit, I make it to my seat and someone speaks
Totally abstract, “are you scared”, so friendly
I respond casually with a smile, reassuringly
I don’t know what i’m doing, but it’s fine, i’m ok

It really isn’t so bad, people just want to interact
They want to have a good time, bond, experience
Their blood is happy and open, they love community
Everyone is a friend, we really are sharing this time together

Getting in touch with other people
My heart feels full, this blinking happiness
I made it, I experienced something real
I was with others, strangers amongst strangers
But we were all happy, we wanted to experience

It was real, community, bursting laughter
A smile, so many smiles, I feel closer
Hi, who are you? I am me, who are you?
I have been so wrong for such a long time

Not sure sometimes
I broke a goal on purpose
I decided to somewhat genuinely
It made sense but I regret it
The self-restriction is for discovery

It’s for a new take on life
But I broke it for a reason
An attempt at a new conviction
It failed, I feel ambivalent

So weird at the bar, unexpected diversions, all at once
Awkward at the bar
Two people to talk to
Two real conversations
A divide of attention

Include I think
Whatever it means
Include all parties
Introduce and keep going

It’s the right thing
A nostalgic rush
The same feelings
Again, years later
Full emotion

I feel it, it’s insane
How pure it was
How broken it has been
I am happy

First day back
The environment doesn’t change the goals
You work to your end and nourishment
The hello becomes full of desire and affection
The eyes dart to understand and absorb

Real moments, genuine laughter, relaxed
The work is genuine and hard, determined
Its the juxtaposition that makes it powerful
The change and I am happy to still grow

Valuing yourself
An absent minded compromise
I said something I didn’t want to say
I felt guilty for withholding
For admitting I didn’t like him

There are different levels of friendship
A friend is different than a good friend
An incompatible friend is different than a friend
You are allowed to make these distinctions

God Damn It
Fuck, I am underprepared
I really did work hard this break
It was the drinking
It screwed me over

That extra week and a few days
That’s all I would have needed
To not feel this stupid dread
Of looking stupid and unprofessional

12/30/2014
Ice cold, in the air
You walk through it
This icy air
Struggling to breathe

The skin hurts
You feel weak
Heavy clothes
Inside, wonderful

Getting better and performing
Do your job, do what you prepared
You can’t exceed yourself
A criticism is a starting point
Go back and work, improve

There are so many facets to work on
So much to get good at
It takes time and stamina
It’s all a hobby, a project
Differences
The first meet is deceptive
Nostalgia grabs the best
Time reveals what you know
Why you don’t want to be around them

These little things betray a mindset
An ugliness, a dehumanization
An objectification, a condescension
The world is open to differences

Imagination
Mess, tangled, thoughtless time
It’s too easy to zone out
To not really participate
To watch without watching

To watch without remembering
You have to engage, figure out
Be involved, really be involved
Put yourself in their shoes

Held accountable
Keep on going, addiction is real
Fight for your goal, overcome
There are many different voices
Listen to the voice of the goal

You have a task, do it
There are things to get done
Accomplish them, keep going
You are accountable with goals

Blankness
I want a lustfulness
I want it back
I remember having it
My memories flood

Impossible longing
Beauty all over
The earth is sensual
To touch is beautiful

Lost
I am scared I will be like this forever
Constantly hitting this blankess
This brick wall of knowledge, instinct
It all feels so empty sometimes

Either it is forced or it is nothing
So rarely does it feel natural
It has, and I know it is there
I don’t know how I got so screwed up

What show to go to
A crowd to join
Equal coin
The type of friend
In the end

Or type of girl
Uglies curl
Metal heart
Or hipster start

Ambition
It’s an in-between feeling
Taken steps towards healing
But there is so much more
A whole world to explore

Appreciate the change
But keep an eye down range
Keep going, it’s ok to fail
Little time before the coffin’s nail

Others will be ok
Your heart beats in your chest
You are separate from all the rest
Live your life, your direction
Buffered by your own affection

The world moves on without you
You are finite and responsible two
Live it up, it’s yours
Blessing in blood pours

It is what it is
Writing a poem you don’t like
An old mentality, and old way
A short fix but no fix at all
It doesn’t subsist in action

It doesn’t subsist in skill
In learning new traits
In becoming involved
I suppose that’s the point

1/5/2015
Gateway to hell
This hot room
Outside, zero
Noisy train

Open window
Beautiful
Perfect
Sleepy

Late night walk
Nighttime walk on warm roads
Things to think through
Desperation in the stride
The warm lights comforting

They twinkle bright
Amber parking lot
Neon twirls, black pavement
A stunning skyline

It was in the early spring
A sad song so beautiful
Crying for a memory
It burns through you
The youthful heart pulses

The song is not sad
It is a tear to what is built
A lifetime of together
A hug to love and youth

First kiss
My memory, her neckline
Those beautiful lips
Eyes bright on the day
Cherry lipbalm

Soft lips on a warm day
Hands to feel, to hold
To squeeze, to caress
All in that musty night air

Bad directors
Tired, I want to sleep
I want to breathe
I want a quality day
Real work, real creation

Not this lazy evanescence
Delirious mind, laughing
Laughing at nothing
Wasting our time

God damn shit jobs
The negotiation, the awkwardness
Options make you strong
You can ask anything with options
Because there is an easy no

I like this feeling, it’s safe
I can have integrity
I can question with strength
I can respect myself

Tired day
Empty frustration
Mad at nothing
Tired from nothing
Blank, exhausted

The worst is the blank
No thoughts
Impossible conversation
Stuttering, misspeaking

Daison de blanc
Warm grassy day
Walk through a park
Minolta state park
Prickles and burrs

The sun tingles
you can feel the life
The vibrancy of it all
Wonderful and imperfect

Curiosity IPA
It’s sultry night
An exciting night
Women in the air
A smile in the eyes

Beauty and curves
Pluming perfume
The musty air
Those sweet hips

So weird
I want it so badly
I can’t believe it
It burns in me
Unlike anything else

I thirst for it
I have to have it
Yet, gone in a breeze
Like it was never there

Deep Instinct
Filled and eyes open
Heart open, licking lips
To feel it, all the way
That taste, the moan

That first moan
That first feel
It is heaven
Life’s blood, lusts

New experiences
Not really anxiety
Not apprehension
A bad mentality
A trapped heart

Fearful so reactionary
But life is supple
There are alternatives
It’s about experience

Empty Performance
Weak performance
Work but no yield
I feel frustrated
Floundering skill

It just wasn’t working
All heart, emotion
There but awkward
I think it just needs time

Horror and moving on
I don’t know if I know what to say
It happened so long ago
But it still cuts so deeply
A paralyzing hopelessness

A sadness, a weakness
A deep betrayal and hurt
You have to let it go
You have to move on

So weird
The goofy clash
Pointless rivalry
The pointless cause
A weird beginning

Why such hostility
Where does it come from?
Such aggressiveness
Abuse of authority

Just a pointless day
Fun times flirting
A little dance
A pointless joke
Gritty sarcasm

The explosive smile
The chest opens
She’s cool
She enjoys my company

Room run
Lonely morning off
Things to do
But you have to wait
Evening performance

The heart yearns
I would do anything for it
Diseased anxiety
But I want it so badly

The reality of things
It all really takes skill
You have to act
Expose yourself
Put yourself out there

Mess up, look stupid
Make mistakes
But you have to do it
No other way to learn

109
Watching is passive
It’s not real, illusions
But living has consequences
Those are tough to face

That’s life though
Take the good from the BS
Go after what you want
Hold it close and smile

It’s tough to deal with
The reality sets in
A future of the unattainable
A steady, consistent relationship
Long distance is impossible

Never ending long distance
You have to teach, one place
I don’t want an empty life
A career and life for no one

Shit director
The superior woman
Entitled by position
Told she is a genius
Truly incompetent

The smile is a not knowing
Her true position
One as a colleague
A collaborator and explorer

Failures and pasts
You are on the right track
You have to play to improve
Act and analyze, you are behind
Skill lacks, the heart labors

The blood moves more slowly
It’s really scary, this weakness
But there is no hiding
The pain is an attempt at something greater

Old feelings
These narrow possibilities
New possibilites of affection
Finding people similar to you
Interested in the same things

A crazy love, madness explores
Painful, deep satisfaction
Freedom of heart and voice
My mind races with possibilities

We all want the same things
Where to find this new world
In myself and with others
A new me, exploring new things
New and old feelings made real

An easier breath, a deeper touch
Made through experience
Seen through the real senses
Breathing real air, among real things

You can’t hide
I’ve got some real problems
They are panicky and destructive
They rip me apart, it’s awful
I can barely breathe I’m so discouraged

I’m scared and lost
I’m a child in a sea of adults
My independence has come late
And I’m really struggling

New keyboard and mouse
Impulsive day, impulsive buy
It has to be this way
I love it, I enjoy it so much
These new things, this new goal

Do what it takes, live your life
Live and breathe consequences
Stand up for yourself
Go after what you want

This week before
I feel like shit, tired, achy
It is taking so long to go away
Brain dead and slow
It’s fine but unnerving

But the work is going well
It’s deliberate and steady
I am enjoying the process
The feedback and input

Best friend
Good buddy
So warm
Oddly home
Familiar

Grateful
Good man
Special
Wonderful

Our Moments
Stand your ground
Tell the story
Enchant them
Bring it to life

Connect, communicate
Explain and teach
Smile and look
Continue on

Introductions
Pretty girl
Attempt
A hello
A flirt

It ends
We move on
Woman no
Confidence yes

Too much singing
Long day, overspent
Nerves and work
A deeper smile
A more honest smile

Heartfelt hello
In need of connection
Suffering together
More work to do

The friend and enemy
A good friend at the wrong time
The wrong joke, the wrong style
Too kind to a poor professional
Avoided smile and the heart sinks

Just too kind, it disturbs me
Out of my life, this trash
Her style is innocent
Just at the wrong damn time

Saturday
It’s their business not mine
I am here to do my job
I am a hard working musician
An artist enroute, a professional

I will not be bullied, I have options
Do what you need to do
You have an obligation to be enroute
Do it your way, do it your way

Wild time
Unfocused, delirious this life
Infinite parts and infinite thoughts
A mess of feelings and delusions
The eyes blink and it’s gone

Harnessing your desires
Going after what you want
Figuring it out, go forward
You’re kind of stuck in freedom

Day at the art museum
Passing youth, I’m getting older
I knew but didn’t know
I will become gross and ugly
I will lose appeal and chances

What do I want? A love life
I don’t want a jaded cynicism
I want truth, I want that look
I want to feel safe

Club
Let’s try it out
All that ugliness
Ugly desires
Heart burning

My heart races
To feel it
It’s madness
I want it

All this tv
Away from distractions
They grab at your time
They are sugar sweet
They numb the soul

They pacify the soul
Identity lost
Something starves
Dead inside

Take care
Monotony of thought
Bland ideas, blank
A tired mind
An aimless heart

This weekend was rough
Not bad, just odd
A new perspective
Strengthens the old

Don’t pity yourself
You have to fight for it
No one can help you
Your vision, your thinking
You have to do it

It is empty otherwise
No one to blame but yourself
Try and try harder
Figure it out, try it

You have to believe in quality
A new task, many
Things to learn
Work to do
New challenges

Take the time
But it seems false
It feels pointless
Work yields no merit

The doing
In the life
Moment
Naked
Trying

Gut it out
Try it
Talk
Do it

Harnessing
The work, the process
It starts again, practicing
Slow, steady, specific
More patience i’m finding

Smoother, faster going
But dedication still needs
Keep focused, do it right
Make it yours, quality

Your life begins now
I want a love life
I want to connect
Meet and learn
Grow close

I want my heart open
Kind and smiling
Ready to love
Ready to connect

A good day
A bright day of mistakes and errors
Awkward exchanges, fumbling
But a goal as glue and purpose
The mistakes washed with meaning

An old and a new friend made
Life imbued with life, purpose
Mission breaths life genuine
A smiling tear looking back

Childishness
Smoldering comment
It’s the reason why
Reasons hidden
To the hateful self

It’s a bad foundation
It crumbles quickly
The heart is shattered
At the lightest challenge

Bar life
Figure out a way
Set the opportunity
Make a reason
The courage is yours

The reward is yours
Not in the object
But in the skill
And the memories

Death or life
The hope is for the exponential
A multilinear growth
That roads connect
And character woven

It seems not so
It feels not so
But it is better
You have to keep going

Fuck it
There is no other way
Other options are false
You have to figure it out
You have nothing to lose

You will die, it’s unavoidable
There will be an end
So try, live enroute
Be annoying, be a burden

The infinite human
Stand your ground
Don’t apologize for your life
You are you, they will be fine
Don’t know, no one does

Connect as humans
Really connect
There’s no pressure
A human is a galaxy

I wish it had happened sooner
The flow, racing heart and conversation
The work that needs to be done
Breakroom hello, a frustrated confession
Kind words and eyes met, it’s getting better

A hello turns into a laugh and a giggle
High pitched laughter, squinting faces
The time is free, a fearlessness
This is what it is to be young

Odd Irrationality
The heart hurts from a betrayal
But it shouldn’t, it is no betrayal
Jittery, stuttering words, blank
It is a test on the mind of a man

This beautiful woman is taken
Either sulk, mastermind, or move on
It is a waste of time for the two former
Move on, don’t waste your time

Time wants us to live
It’s really up to you
You have to go after it
You decide the frame
It really takes intelligence

Do it, figure it out
Learn and set limits
Do whatever you want
Time erases all failures

Fight for it
A body, a face, an interaction
All things I never had before
I never felt them before
A new competence with things

My demeanor and attitude are different
My heart beats differently
I breathe differently
Charge forward good sir

Shit people
Old demons charge
The heart races
Blood boils and eyes open
Confident and strong rage

A waste of time
A waste of your time
I have more important things
Lovelier demands on my time

Where to go
A puzzling blankness
You’d think the opposite
Limitless options
But so hard to decide on

You have to believe in naturalism
Some sort of organic flow
But it comes from the heart
These directions and visions

Unbelievable artistry
It’s breathtaking to be able to capture that
To see it, to know it and to show it
The heart of a man made into focus
His core, his manly artistry, the drive

The ambition to improve, to master
Greatness means nothing, it’s mastery
His look, his gaze is earned
That look, that strength, that desire

Experiment in friendship
It’s the real world
Building these friendships
I sense the old at heart
It’s tough to make it work

The desire runs through it
Failure seems less painful
To stumble is a reality
But humble is the hard man

I feel so lost
I am just uninterested
I don’t want the mundane
The pointless pursuit
I want meaning

I want to take it all in
Really make something
Make something together
Smile and laugh seriously

Your life will be over someday
This may not last
Breathe deeply
The moment is eternal
Live it, make something

Use your imagination
Make something up
Share with your friends
Goof off, you’re safe

Singing Sgt Raymond Shaw at the Sitzprobe
How fortuitous this chance
And how meaningful it is
To work with these colleagues
To sing something special

To really sing a thrilling line
A passionate throw
The anguish of honesty
It was so magical

 

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