Standoffishness

Standoffishness: I was just invited by my lady to do a group fitness class.  I hate them and have always hated stuff like that. But that is not a constant and it is pretty obvious why I hate them. The potential for embarassment.  For looking out of place, for making stupid mistakes. For whatever reason my brain has a very tough time listening to directions, I tend to zone out or think internally and miss obvious thing, obvious directions, obvious commands. And it makes me look dumb and incompetent.  I am reminded of the Joe Rogan idea of, embrace the suck. Embrace you’re going to be bad and just move on.  I also sense a similar standoffishness with other people. With meeting new people.  I sense it from my father and I sense it in myself. I hate it and it is no way to interact or live.  It’s worst in the professional realm. I feel like I can’t hang and am crushed at the feeling of revealing that I am unsuccessful, that I am a failure lol.  It’s shitty and I think it is legitimately shitty. There is no sense in hiding it, just have to be honest, straight forward. It is what it is and there is no sense in being embarassed by it, nor burdening others with it.  

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