Man’s lot confounds,
For dominance the trumpet sounds,
He wants to fill the void,
That in himself he cannot avoid.
But upon the Eros he stumbles,
Life it seems no longer tumbles,
Gone are fears of profound rejection,
Love is a force that makes perfection.
Music History 801
First it was big then it was smaller,
At times it is short and at times it is taller,
Let us first rejoice at this insight,
A lack of knowledge we no longer fright
First there was life then death does mortify,
In the time we have we choose with what to occupy
With either escape and tedious distractions
Or with the will and its pregnant contractions
It is a human need to strive,
The pitfall is to instead contrive,
Objects can be found that substitute,
But genuine life this does not constitute
It is a mistake to attempt to draw out,
From inside what makes the spirit stout,
Instead look high above who you are,
And strive toward what you see most afar.
And if one were pressed to analyze,
Done without fear or compromise,
A trip back into memory you’ll find
The essence of you in deeds confined.
What is the value of “blood”?
From where does all this emotion flood?
Care of your child civic duty demands,
Once grown, washed are the parent’s hands.
However one is raised, the child is an ideal,
Constructed from attributes one often tries to conceal,
Noble and trivial notions fill their mind,
The individual hides under this protection of rind.
A break with the old is the best way,
One wishes this would come early in the day,
But sometimes the search takes many years,
It takes alternatives to overcome those fears.
Perhaps family exists as a singular example,
A section of life for us to sample,
We are always offered the chance to reject,
Crystalized lessons we now collect.
Thus, being polemical gives us perspective,
Do not feel guilty for your invective,
Through this contrast, about ourselves we learn,
The value of blood is the individuality we earn.
With the first look I swelled,
To pursue I am compelled,
Olive skin and perfume hair,
Fighting always the urge to stare.
Cuddle me close with affectionate eyes,
My dispassionate manner is all lies,
Truly loving I am in our scenes,
I love you in leggings, skirt, or jeans.
I know you are trying to keep a distance,
Abandon your fear of religious repentance.
I know how you feel and what you miss,
I make you laugh, add a smile with a kiss.
You will forever be my moment in time
Puerto Rican eh, like a corona and lime?
Just jokes, but I know it makes you laugh,
Please, let me be your time and a half.
On a moment too short
Hello my short Puerto Rican friend,
It looks like the show has come to an end.
Defined by dedicated effort in terms too short,
Gained are wonderful memories, too vast to assort.
First term we could never find a stand,
And your English I could never understand.
Abigail, your talent exists in a rare way,
You are a singer who has something to say.
Ahh, continue to strive for roles new and challenging,
Speak loudly! as time is short and uncompromising.
Whether your career is in teaching, Germany, or free-lance,
To work with you, I am honored to have had the chance.
My Lost Girl
Deeply hurt with a hard stare,
Childlike humor without a care,
Help me someone, lost , confused,
Alone, nervous and never used.
Too late I awoke to attempt
Ahh, so hard to avoid contempt.
Others there will be, no worry,
Inward don’t take your furry!
I know what to do now,
Eros forever I do vow.
Strike first always and take,
A new power I want to make.
Ahh, we search for a common solution,
A plot in hand we now dissect.
Depth not found, instead convolution,
Art minus substance loses my respect.
Where ought my judgement now settle?
Art is the spattering of the spirit’s spray,
If cold, silent sits the forsaken kettle.
The artist’s soul must resemble the sun’s day,
Convolution signals a poisonous instinct,
A dampened soul itself mistrusts,
It’s scary when one has to be succinct
But with courage, for truth, the true artist lusts.
Trapped as my self
Terror, terror, constant error,
Help, or my freedom never,
Deep, deep loneliness screams,
Life a wash of impossible dreams.
For so long my existence maintained,
Eclectic traits, a personality feigned.
Inadequacy, like a shadow trails,
Seemingly final as the coffin’s nails.
Then I entered uninvested,
Filled with drink and not well rested.
Little signs at times perceived,
Disbelief and not received.
Distance kept my formal manner,
Keeps me from rejection’s stammer.
On you went with subtle flirting,
Reeling love inside asserting.
Satisfied I would have been,
Ending then would be no sin.
Your desire for me affirmed,
The man I had become and earned.
But! You invited me to bed,
Lustful statement I well read.
Pure thrill in me it made,
Glad that in your bed I stayed.
Still unsure as I their laid,
Drunken talk of my depth made.
Friendly touch my hand connects,
Keep it honest, no regrets.
Closer to me you encroach,
Lying there against reproach.
Touching noses as we talked,
Moved your lips to mine and locked.
A poem to myself
I want to make, to keep
The happy times I spent
Before eternal sleep
My friends are there for me,
For even though I’m weird,
They care for me, I’m loved,
My welling eyes are teared.
I am so happy now,
My honest self exposed,
They love me for me,
For fearful waste opposed
A man that wakes.
To find that he,
Anew can be.
With judgement free
So clear to see
That her affection,
Needs not perfection
It makes no sense,
This feeling felt,
Perhaps I’m rude,
I feel it, wow.
From past renewed
I shall pursue.
Suicide stands on hands that mend
Fruitless life no more a friend
Lonely struggle, no one knows
Caught in this depression’s throws.
Loveless felt no woman near
Her rejection I deathly fear
Love I want to feel her close
Kissing slowly, lovely dose.
Death to self the spear of sorrow,
Loneliness no love to borrow,
Pointlessness myself sustains,
Having died with zero gains.
Wanting all that love can hold
No one wanting what ive sold,
Haunting desperation takes
Youth of mine now gone and breaks.
Thoughts on Britten’s War Requiem.
How can I allow myself to cry from such sadness,
When I am a voyeur of this horrific event, involved yet so detached.
They live on in my tears but only dishonestly,
It is not their fault but mine.
This is the problem with Otherness, this dreadful distance.
Am I ennobled by the attempt? Possibly, but
I don’t deserve to know their sorrow.
Though their suffering has been granted eternity.
Oh ugly, gluttonous soul awaiting the climax,
Like an addict fully saturated,
How far from art you piss yourself,
Yet it seems so common and silent.
There is no satisfying answer
You can’t reconcile art with real living
What a charade this whole acting business
How pathetic we are, how removed.
Rock the Casbah
A rush of false nostalgia,
Yet a color never seen before,
A youth, a laugh, a blasphemy
It is intoxicating
An era’s strife imposed
But it stirs emotions.
This rebellion, this strength.
From my arrogance
Both judge and convict
I see a fated moment
Doomed to innocence
So, they were honest,
And explored their world
In the most beautiful way
The isolated club
An exotic passion
A world away
Loved and died
The club remains
It’s the pointlessness of it all
The lack of a cause
A striving to go nowhere
But they are heroes
They are normal dudes
A team from the quiet
To the charismatic
Ugly to handsome
It’s a pointless pursuit
That brings them together
Their fans, their team
It’s just a game
But it speaks to something great
Something really great
It defines the human being
When lonely meets its lonely friend
Our meeting place, an album
With different vices we relate
Through a melody, a mood
One can only laugh at
This impossible gap
You just don’t know
How much I love your music
I did it
All for a
How can I ease the pain
It is a moment
It really is
A moment of
It is a re-living
Of primal yearning
And primal pain.
Brings us to
Of our drives
Musty air with
The night spent
A breezy smooth
Breath of self
Give me more
I want more
Of this feeling
This self spent.
Move me more
Not for pleasure
But, for the true
For the effective
I love you
I really love you
But you don’t know
And it’s ok.
Fills my big nose
My big strong
My spirit’s lungs
Today was a good day
Code as life
Sometimes there is a feeling
Of wanting to be talked to
To be sought out in life
A desire for adventure
An excuse is made
A stroll, a coffee out
To the automat
The table at the automat
The eyes can’t search,
You happen to be there
For a different reason
Of course, it’s convenience.
But screams your loneliness
Unheard by only you
No need to hide it though
We all know, we get it
Hi, how was your day?
Pretty shitty coffee right?
Love, just value love
We’re all in this together
You can’t avoid its charm
The awkwardness of life
Blinded by the moment
We fumble through our now
Bravo to this woman
Both she and curtains
Awake and vital
Exploring their desires
“The breeze feels great”
“Set that damn alarm”
The stupidity of it all.
I do wonder though
If she was cute.
One thing I can say
They don’t care about
The damn chop suey
I don’t even care
A pointless detail lurks
A sip of gossip stands
Between these friends
And the greater truth
No bother though
Their time is gone
Their youth is gone
The moment remains
I don’t know
The story told
But I would have loved
To have ruined the ending
Hopefully no kids
Because he wants
To hurry home
And bang his wife
Office at Night
We know what they were thinking.
The work is a façade
All our work is a façade
Building to this kind of moment
Oh, to that blessed breeze
That excites the senses
Cools and inflames
Our wonderful desires
Love’s confusion seeps,
Into images still real,
Clashing with the now.
But she is real and there,
Beautiful delusions gone
A hug becomes the most
The most meaningful
The two are different now
Young but weather hardened
The old connection buried
Under life’s confusion
Aligned, for a moment
Back then it was for fun
Now desperation creeps
Baby come back
Soft sounding smooth light,
Nothing summer lived bright,
Nothing calm and everything,
Lived life, the now thrilling.
Unknown and known now,
Now, a love and lust thrills.
Strong and strong gives life,
No relation, only love gives.
Is this love
Eighties, gone their youth
Aesthetic and youth blossomed
Terrifying sadness, gone, said,
A whole lost, fearful death.
A sadness, deep and long,
Nothing weathered, deep loss,
Painful expressions of eternity,
Eternal self, punished and dead.
I’ll be around
A lovely illusion sparks my desire,
Smooth love, it is timeless,
Sensual sings a smooth connection,
I’ll be simple, honest and loving.
Moment gone and youth fragrant,
I love you and want you always,
Give me all of you, your love.
Love contains all and everything.
Fears and seams unsealed,
A goal in hand revealed,
Long term yield demands,
Seek first to understand.
The short life calms the nerves,
The moment made preserved,
Through the act of caring,
And her affection sharing.
The essence is the struggle,
The perfect match needs not
Perfect people but
Two in the same place.
Striving, they must strive,
Life is awkward and unpolished,
It has no limits,
It cares for no one.
The heat of life gives
A purpose and affections,
The woman lovely, Life
demands you hold her close
Care, care for her
It is mutual
She wants love
You want love.
Life is empty, death is empty.
Man is full, man dead
Is not full.
Man alive is full.
This girl with confident eyes invades my soul
Leaden with spirit, her body writhes on my chest
Lips, full and quivering, breathe the lustful air
Throbbing blood fills deeply and touches heaven
Slow, slow hips reach my heart and time slows
Dripping wet, the final agony approaches
Velvet love and pounding hearts reach together
Grasping and clawing our deepest agony.
The arms flex and skin connects, hair wild
But one cannot claw hard enough to fuse the two
The hearts touch, the souls touch but again separate.
So, with heavy breath, the eyes meet again with a smile
Who is this girl?
Learning starts with small perceptions
A story overheard or a hard stare
Jokes told and reactions weighed
What do I make of her?
Then, a bit of heart revealed
A song played, a mood shared
I saw someone so passionate
She had a searching soul
I think desperation yields action
I wouldn’t get another chance
This finality loomed over me
I just had to know who she was
I suppose it all went from there
Soon our relation became clear
She is filled with the deepest hurt
No wonder she can love so deeply
Lays back this thrilled heart,
Burying itself in the sheets
Concealing its excitement
That I am with you.
I’m calm, I’m open,
You are safe with me
Your body descends
The sheets part for two
Let’s fall asleep my love
Sink into me
A simple kiss goodnight
And I drift into heaven.
Her desperation cries
Help me, Love me
The hurt cuts
She reels violently
Out pours her honesty
She cries for relief
With tender soul
And caring ears
Good and bad yield
Old and New
There’s no real final judge or jury
But they can be made and fabricated
Depending on what one went through
They can have considerable influence
They seem all too real and oppressive
It is only appropriate to yield and cower
Their force seems too great to bear
And me, too weak and humble to object
But a look to the end smashes the end
Destiny is rewritten, the self, transformed
It’s the will that does it, the instinct
And all because of an accidental encounter
The sweetest kiss is honest
All dread, all love, all pain
I wanted to feel her soul
I wanted her to know me
The hug, the loudest voice
Real connection it screams
Whole, emotional connection
Filled with yearning and benevolence
Honesty given is enough
I walked away satisfied
Then, she ran to me as I walked out the door and
Gave me the hardest kiss I’ve ever experienced.
The Meaning of it All
It’s all so new so I am reverent of it all
Any time shared I think is so beautiful
Every text and every picture is overwhelming
She is my girlfriend and I feel loved
She gets me, god damn it she gets me,
Others see me as an artifact or exhibit
She sees me as a valuable human being
She loves me, my god she loves me
And there is no other feeling quite like it
My life is vindicated and in all honesty
Whatever moments arise in the future
I can die a happy, fulfilled man.
The Shifting of Values
The reshaping of life is so sudden
It takes no planning or thought
The instinct realigns almost instantly
To the new values at its core
M is my new value
The trajectory of my life is changed
I crave an intimate setting, always
I want to discover life with her
What is life, what is connection?
Who am I, who is M?
These discoveries take time
And that time and life I want to share
With my M.
Life tests the human will
This will, the power to want
The power to get what you want
It is pure existential creativity
Long distance is one of these tests
Do you want it and how badly?
If one doesn’t, then stop, but
If one does, then persevere.
Intrepidness is the blood of love
And love is tested in all states
Whether long distance or not
It’s the desire, the want that matters.
It’s like a bike ride under sweaty heat
There is a rhythm to it, the full exertion
That summer sun like warm arms
You feel whole, comforted and safe
Then, you go inside in the air conditioning
Plop down on a dusty dorm lobby couch
The body is shocked by the contrast
The warmth and life you felt, distant
The contrast is not all bad though
The partition yields a poetic perspective
One is able to survey the whole
Time can be taken to appreciate
But that first step back outside
That overwhelming anticipation
All senses in deep drought
In my experience, it is without parallel
Truly wanting something is the first step,
All the rest becomes effectiveness,
I want a long term relationship with Maria,
What does that look like? What works?
I think true devotion is the first step,
This devotion, a welling up of caring,
You’re with them for the long haul,
Help them, be patient, be compassionate.
Receiving devotion, the counter challenge,
Can someone really care about me?
Opening that heart is so scary, it’s nakedness ,
But it is the only seed of real trust.
Have integrity. Do what you say,
Integrity is at the heart of trust,
If a partner betrays themselves,
That partner will betray you.
Love wants exploration, newness
Know that you don’t know your partner
There are always depths to explore
The same is true within yourself
Love, why love? Why devote the energy?
I don’t know if there is any other way
To truly explore the depths of you
Or the depths of life and living…
The End in Mind
I see two passionate journeys
Partners in discovery
Two hearts connected
Ferocity in life
Exploration at the heart
Experience at the soul
The sweetest affection
There is no you nor I
Though not merged
But ever changing
But the two halves
With wide eyes
All as transitional figures
Values in the substance
To enrich the lives of
And to help our children
My first image and feeling is of lamentation
I place my fingers to write but all seems absurd
To lament is to wither, to cock one’s head and sigh
The burden is placed on life and the stars
I am struck by this artificial melancholy because
I don’t feel that way. At a second and closer
Glance I feel lucky and more lucky to be where I am
Who I am, and to be able to view the transformation
There is always some obstacle, some hinderence
Steeped in weaknesses the human cries out for respite
The cry is for meaning, for some sort of competence in life.
But life won’t hold our hands, we can defy it and others
A missing day, it flies by
A ponderance, a time in limbo,
It’s the not knowing that thrills
A delirious car ride
Oh the terror, the crash back
The mistakes of not knowing
But that is the heart of it
That’s the beauty of the situation
Oh that quest to love
Piercing and bright
The heart beats
So fast and so full
A dance in the soul
It grips and cries
It shakes its head
And rocks its shoulders
Heard about you last night
Pleasant and profound soul
The lightest kiss and touch
Your eyes are so beautiful
Gentile eyes, impossibly lovely
The night resonates
I drink forever
That look is forever
We were wealth
The summer heat mystifies
The streetlights bloom
Cincinnati blooms a sorrow
A bewildering stooper
The honesty is inexorable
The pain so immanent
The night dies with me
That cold and humid night
A happy lust shines bright
Mournful cry and smile
Agony of loss and bright love
Wide smile full of charm
The warm waves on the skin
A memory of the times lived
Memories, a giant hug goodbye
These hugs tender and loving
This club aura, an emotion shared, this moment
Collective dance and group sense, the heart bursts
So much happiness, a side to side pulse, an innocence
The moment hangs in the air, this crowded musty air
The optimism of a timeless soul, a timeless moment
The dance rails and pulses, our eternal-self dances
This innocent naïve self, the romanticism of our dreams
It ends, the song is over, but the charm remains
Romantic expanse, too beautiful, hands held
The heart opens to another and the hands quiver
The heart quivers, the eternal heart cries and yearns
Those gentile lips touch and both agonies cry
The touch so gentile, the head rests and arms squeeze
Eyes closed so tightly, the lips kiss skin so soft
Agony, all the agony is soothed and sweetened
All I can say is that I love you, but my life now has meaning
A happy triumph over exhaustion
The truth becomes enthusiasm
Light feet and huge hugs smile
The day and night equalize
That smooth soul loves deep
Spinning dance, so wild
Relationships are full hearted
Challenges met with a smile
In These Changing Times
So much romanticism, that feeling deep
A crying passion for partnership
The deepest trust and exploration
The fire of the individual blossoms
Devotion and unwaivering love
The heart blossoms in its strength
It’s the union, the respect, the passion
Time is the greatest gift, the kiss loves
My Name is Jonas
Happy explosions of fun
Floods of smiles and exuberance
Life is the moment only, it’s thrilling
Shake all over, and run as fast as you can
Youth and caprice fill the room
Careless and emotional, rabid
The eyes so wide and happy
Fire, all fire to have a good time
There is a magic in this world
The fire of the moment
The beauty of life and living
The different, all the differences
The depth, growth and decay
Each breath is thrilling
Eternal moments hang in the air
Death falls to the moment
One of these Nights
The single man, the options search
It’s all there, it’s the complex woman
The depth and the sex, heart and lust
Heart and emotion, full emotion
No depth, but all depth, true paradox
What’s the word, irrationality
Irrationality and freedom, the full spirit
Full and love, all love, all love, all love
A Girl Like You
My god, full of the times, the time
Ahh that immediate time, lust
The look and the kiss, oh the kiss
Please again, please look again
Sophomore year it was, your eyes
Hair falling and eyes bright, your eyes
So beautiful, I remember that elevator
Falling, it fell so slowly, I saw it
I saw you, so beautiful, so beautiful