I mean clearly something isn’t working. Could be the lack of sleep lol and not eating breakfast but my brain is fried. Deeeeeeeep fried. Just swept along by life. But you can’t force it haha. Oh well. Omg, all these peopleeeeeee. We’re all the same haha. All the same and all different. I feel too flawed to be allowed to be happy. Dude what the fuck am I doing? Haha. My god this is all fucked. Just no bearing, no grounding, no foundation. Man I feel loopy as fuuuuck. Get it together man haha. What do I need to do? Right well, be friendly, do your thing. Recover, work hard. Talk to people. It’s all good. I have time alone. So use it, it’s all good. What’s fun? This is? Haha I suppoooose. Love love loveee. Hmm. Old couple fighting next to me. No good man. But being alone is no good either. Oh well. God it’s nice to have a mechanism to write. Get those thoughts down.
The, you’re ok mentality. Right, among all these people, especially when you were in school, all the deficiencies seem so apparent. That somehow the regret is to never have been popular and to always chase that. It sucks and I don’t know how to shake it.
It’s weird, just descending into the depths of the hospital. Each gate keeper talks to you, gets a little bit of information, asks you to wait, then you move on to the next.
It’s fucked up, I mean you can’t chase that feeling. It’s so dumb, it cures all but if you chase it you are fucked. Yup, oh well. So I guess it’s back to problem solving. But satisfaction, where does that come from? I don’t know, I mean it’s pretty obvious I need more adventure in my life. I’ve shyd away from challenges and competition. And again, it’s all a natural process. But I have and maybe that’s not a good thing. Now obviously it’s not winning .