Friends and Community

Friends and community. I mean I have neither. No family, few few friends. No connection. I have hobbies but am struggling to connect them with others.  I had a thought that I think is accurate, that my isolation is twofold.  One internal and one external.  Internal meaning I have a narcissism and self centeredness and external, I lack experience forming relationships.  I never seem to know what to say and I suppose that has plagued me my whole life. It’s gotten better, but no one is going to want to be friends with me. It’s sad. Solutions.  We have to start at the core.  It’s coolness that counts.  And coolness comes from within.  It’s love, it’s love of yourslef, love of life and live of others.  And I undoubtedly rarely feel either of the three.  It’s pretty simple it seems, but it has escaped me for so long. I think this deep bitterness and resentment kept me from it. That narcissism, that feeling that I am owed something and why aren’t they giving it to me. God it’s so sad and pathetic, no wonder I had no friends.  It’s a personality disorder, which is something I can fix.  

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