Thoughts on First Response

Yup, obviously. Obviously a contract is in order. Obviously there is zero vision for this and I am going to be expected to throw it together under the guise of my “ambition”. I am sorry, outreach is not “outside the box”.  It’s fucking outreach.  And I am going to have to do someone else’s job in coming up with a program and shit like that. I don’t want to do outreach. I am done with out reach. If the contract is lucrative, then fine. But I am not doing months of outreach for 550 a week. That will not happen. I will decline the gig and I have every right to.  I will not grow from doing outreach. But there can be good money in it, I am assuming because of grant writing.  I can come up with rep, yeah, fuck yeah I can come up with some rep. But wtf, I am going to have to go into these schools and put on a retarded show?  I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to do outreach. I can, and I will if the money is good, whatever, it’s not a big deal. But not for 550 a week. Fuck that. No way. I need to get my career going.


But it does sound like he wants to pay me for it. But during rehearsal time I want my time to be spent coaching and rehearsing. I can do double duties but man this blows. Again, if the money is right whatever. But I dont know what the timeline is going to be. When will i rehearse and build the program?  It will just be for a few days before and after the contract?  Going into schools?? How many?  What age groups?  We are to make this educational now?  God fucking damnit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.


It’s going to be bull shit, just remember. Through the rest of your life it’s all going to be bull shit. Your personal life, your professional life, your family life, your friendship life, your existential life. Every single part of your life is going to be fucking dumb and bull shit. Just expect it and work through it.
Structure and outside the box. I have no sense of how these things are working and feel so weird about putting forwards any sort of plan. No it’s not that. It’s responsibilities.

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