Money, well this is a dynamic issue. There are things to resolve professionally. But at this point, to the best of my knowledge, I have a manager. I am on his website, he referred to me as one of his singers for a prominent writer. There is no reason why I shouldn’t believe that I am not on his roster. Now, I need to save money for my time in NYC. It will probably cost about 2.5 – 3 grand for the four weeks. That is a lot of money and I have a lot of time between where I am not working. Do I get a job or do I attempt to make money singing elsewhere. Not sure how that will happen. But money is of course a scary issue. I have a lot in the bank, and even if I didnt work at all until that audition season, I could still swing it probably with money to spare. Now if he is planning on cutting me. Then the options get kind of shittier but obviously necessary. I will have to enter into a new field as my singing career would be over, which is ok. It would suck, and my professional and in a way personal life would take a massive set back. Saving for retirement would be scary, I couldn’t soak up life as much, I couldn’t travel. Women my age would be out earning me, again, not a macho thing, just less likely they will want to be with a poor ass just starting out his career at the age of 30 haha. It sucks but those are my issues and ones upcoming. I don’t want to get a job right now. I don’t think it is worth my time, maybe it is, I don’t know. But right now, I want to get my life in order. I have three weeks until my next gig. Then another three after that. Seems odd to get a job then. Especially during the summer. Got to enjoy this shit.
Personality. This is a big one that I feel like I cannot control. It is this x factor where I can lose control and make a terrible terrible impression on people. It can be and has been devastating to my personal and professional life. It is just there, it is this immovable wall sometimes. The thought helps that if other’s cant accept that I don’t know who I am, that that is a search I will be on for the rest of my life, then they aren’t worth my time. There is something deep down that is wrong with me. It sucks. But it’s there. I mean, again, it’s so deep down that it’s a tragedy to have it but something you have to take one step at a time. Just figure it out one piece at a time.
Aging. I am getting older. Just got to workout, stay fit. Not much you can do about this. Dress how you like, again, have fun, stay fit. I didn’t get laid when I was younger so it certainly isn’t age that is restricting me now haha.
Confidence. I mean it’s the x factor. There is certainly a lot to think about.